Random
by AprilMeeha
Summary: This is one of those random 'stories' full of one-shots. I have toyed with doing one or a while, so I finally have. Hope they make you giggle! Cullens are vamps, the wolves will come in at some point, and Bella is human.
1. Girlfriend

Edward and Bella are sitting on the sofa in the living room of the Cullen house, watching a movie. Alice comes bounding in, with Jasper following. He looks confused.

"Bell-a?" Alice plops down infront of them.

"Yes?" Bella responds, as Edward pauses the movie.

"I have a question to ask you. It is very important." Alice says seriously.

"Why are you blocking me?" Edward asks, leaning forward a little.

"Because this does not concern you, _Edward._" Alice huffs, then smiles as Bella.

Bella giggles. "What is it Alice?"

"I wanted to know if, maybe, you'd want to, like, be my girlfriend?" Alice asks, drawing circles on the ground and acting shy.

"Excuse me?" Edward asks, incredulous.

"Stay out of this, you _boy_!" Alice says 'boy' as if it is a bad word.

"Of course I will be your girlfriend, Alice!" Bella jumps up and hugs Alice.

They sit on the floor cuddling as Jasper and Edward stare, confused.

"What just happened?" Edward asks.

"I think I just lost my wife, and you lost your girlfriend." Jasper responds with a sigh.


	2. Fight

"Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off." Bella is standing next to the jeep, methodically rubbing wax into it, then wiping it all.

Then, they move to the side of the house, and Emmett hands her a can of paint and a paint brush. He shows her how to paint, up and down methodically.

The next day, Esme screams, making everyone run outside.

"What happened to my house?!" She yells, pointing at the portion Bella had been able to reach, which was now painted a bright green color.

"Uh, Emmett was teaching me how to fight." Bella blushed, and everyone stared at her, then at Emmett.

"What? She wanted to learn how to fight vampires, so I was teaching her." He defended himself.

"I knew nothing good would come of him watching The Karate Kid!" Rose sighed, slapping a hand over her eyes.


	3. I Will Always Love You

"And I-ee-I wi-ill always lo-ove yoooooooouuuu, I wi-ill always lo-ove yoooooouuu, I-ee-I wi-ill always lo-oooove yooooouuu!!"

"What the hell?" Emmett and Rose walk over to look out the window with Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella.

"Carlisle is singing to Esme." Alice said, then put her finger to her lips to shush him.

"In that song isn't she leaving the guy?" Rose asks.

"Yup." Bella responds, making a popping noise.

"Is Carlisle leaving?" Emmett asks, confused.

"Yup." Bella responds, popping the 'p' again.

"What?!" Rose and Emmett yell together.

Alice rolls her eyes.

"He is going hunting."


	4. Emotions

Jasper and Bella were sitting on the couch giggling, when Edward walks in. Emmett is at the back wall of windows, staring longingly outside. Every now and then, his hand reaches up and slowly pets the window.

"What are you two doing?" Edward asks, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Watch!" Bella says, grabbing Edwards arm to pull him down on the seat next to her.

"Man, Rose has been gone a long time, hopefully she didn't cross the treaty line or anything." Bella says loudly.

Emmett starts breathing heavily and pacing by the window, staring outside.

"No, she knows where it is, she should be fine." Jasper says, equally loud.

Emmett's breathing returns to normal and he presses his face against the window, staring at the tree line behind the house.

"Is that a teddy bear under the dining room table?" Bella says loudly, again.

Emmett's head whips over and he dives for the teddy bear. He holds it as tight as he can, and kisses its head.

"Is that Rose?" Jasper asks loudly.

Emmett drops the bear and runs back to the window. His face is pressed against it again, studying the tree line.

"Jasper, don't you ever get tired of messing with Emmett's emotions?" Edward sighs as Bella giggles next to him.

Just then, Rose walks out of the trees, and Emmett is out to her in a flash. He picks her up and hugs her tightly. Rose looks at him like he has lost his mind, then her head snaps in the direction of the house. Her eyes narrow at the three of them on the couch. Jasper runs away, as Edward picks up Bella and flees, too.


	5. Sheep

"Heads up!" Alice yells as Carlisle walks around the corner of the house.

Carlisle is hit in the head with what appears to be an inflatable sheep. He picks it up and looks at it curiously.

"Want to play volleyball with us?" Bella asks, gesturing towards the sheep in his hands.

"But... this is a sheep." He says.

"We know. We are playing volleyball with it, since Edward refused it as his birthday gift." She shrugs.

So, Carlisle joins in the game of volleyball in the drive-way with the inflatable sheep. Esme comes outside and sits on the steps with a scowling Edward.

"What is going on?" She asks, watching them all hit the sheep back and forth.

"Emmett got me an inflatable sex sheep for my birthday, and I refused it, so now they are playing volleyball with it." He hisses at his family.

To Edwards horror, Esme gets up and joins in the game, making everyone else laugh.


	6. Crank

Alice, Bella, and Emmett were sitting in Bella's living room, with the house phone sitting on the coffee table in front of them.

"Ok, Bella, you know what to say right?" Alice asked, picking up the phone.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know what to say." She snatched the phone from Alice's hand.

She took the slip of paper that Alice had written the number on, and dialed. After a couple rings, there was an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I am calling from Sears. We have gotten complaints from some of our customers about some things they have purchased. I was wondering, is your refrigerator running?" Bella asked, making her voice a little deeper than normal.

"Uh, yes, our refrigerator _is_ running." The voice sounded confused.

"Well, then, you better go catch it!" Bella got out before hanging up quickly.

Emmett was rolling with laughter.

"Which one of them was that?" Bella asked, chortling some herself.

"That was Tanya." Alice said after a moment. "Wait 10 minutes, and call again, Irena will answer." Alice giggled.


	7. Frank

Emmett walked into the living room of the Cullen house, and made his way to sit next to Jasper and Alice on the couch. They were watching television, and Emmett just sat there with them for a couple minutes in silence.

Alice's eyes glazed over for a moment, then she chuckled softly. She looked at Emmett, and he grinned back.

"Hey Jasper, can I be frank with you for a moment?" He asked, with a serious look on his face.

"Why?" Jasper looked at him warily.

"I just feel like I need to be frank with you." Emmett explained, looking like he had something very important to tell Jasper.

"Uh, sure, Emmett..." Jasper eyed him carefully.

Just before Emmett could speak again, Alice made a loud noise from trying to hold in her laughter. Emmett and Jasper both turned to look at her, and she made a show of zipping her lips.

Emmett looked at Jasper seriously.

"Hi, I'm Frank." He stuck his hand out for Jasper to shake.

Jasper shook his head and turned back to the documentary he had been watching.


	8. Uck

The whole wolf pack is sitting in a circle on the ground outside Emily and Sam's house. Everyone was complaining, except for Quil and Sam. Claire was running around the large circleof people, squealing.

Every now and then she would slap someones head and yell 'Uck!'.

Finally, after her third rotation, she ran up behind Quil, and smacked his head hard and yelled "Oose!" Then she took off running. Quil waited a moment before leaping up and running after her. He would pretend to not be able to catch her a few times, then she would slide into the spot where he had been sitting. Quil then started circling the group. He would tap each persons slowly and say 'Duck!' as he passed. Well, everyone except for Leah and Paul who were giving him death glares. After he would pass a couple people, Claire would always stand up and shout 'My turn!'

Quil would then take his spot back in the circle, and watch as the little girl went around smacking peoples heads again.

Emily came to the front door of the house and announced lunch was ready, and everyone -except for Sam, Quil and Claire, of course - jumped to their feet. Claire started screaming that she wasn't done playing, and Sam ordered everyone to sit back down. Quil looked around at the unhappy faces of his wolf family, and when Claire was passing him again, he quickly reached out and grabbed her. She shrieked and faught as he started to tickle her. After a minute, he stopped and convinced her that it was time to eat.

The pack sighed in relief and they all ran into the small house.


	9. Dance

"What is this about?" Rose asked, sighing as she sat in an arm chair in the living room of the Cullen house.

"No clue." Edward sighed as well. Rose lifted an eyebrow at him.

"They have been blocking me." He grimaced.

"This cannot be anything good then." Bella leaned against Edward.

"Why did Alice call us all here?" Esme asked, as she and Carlisle sat on the couch. Everyone shrugged, and she sighed as well.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Alice said, stepping infront of them. "Thank you all for coming tonight."

"Uh, Alice, its just past noon..." Rose gestured towards a clock.

"Oh, uh, then, Thank you all for coming this afternoon." Alice smiled at them all. "Let me introduce our entertainment. Mr. Emmett McCarty Cullen." Emmett walked over to her, and bowed. "Emmett shall be doing an interpretive dance." With that, they both walked away.

Alice went to the stereo, as Emmett did some unneeded stretches, to get ready. Alice hit play on the stereo, and a Britney Spears song came on. The first words are 'Tiny Hands', and Emmett is infront of Bella suddenly. He takes her hands in his, and then he nods and points at her when the next lyrics to the song are 'Yes that's you.'

A couple moments later, the song goes 'I smell your breath, It makes me cry.' And Emmett is infront of Edward. He leans in close to him, then falls back, pretending Edward has horrible breath and it is making him cry.

Edward growls when the song gets to the chorus. Emmett runs back and picks up Bella. He cradles her to his chest, and rocks her back and forth, staring lovingly at her as the chorus goes. "Cause without you, How did I get through, All of my days, Without you." Edward leaps up, and steals Bella back away from him, and Emmett moves over to Rose.

"Oh no!" Rose slaps him away when he gets close to her.

Emmett shrugs it off, and then goes over to Alice. He starts dancing around with her as the second verse and final chorus' go. At the words 'So tiny and small.' Jasper sends waves of anger to Alice, making her slap Emmett for implying that was what she was. Emmett goes to pull Esme up to dance with him, but Carlisle glares at him, making him stop in his tracks.

"Why won't you let me express myself!" He wails, then runs up to his bedroom and slams the door.


End file.
